On the 14th of Adar, tonight and Tuesday, we will celebrate Purim. It is said that when the Messiah comes, Purim will be the only remaining holiday. This is a miraculous holiday in which a Persian Queen, Esther, courageously revealed her Jewish identity to King Achashverosh in order to save the Jews from the decree of death orchestrated by the king’s wicked advisor, Haman. On this holiday we wear costumes and read the story. Whenever the name of Haman is said, we shake our noisemakers and boo loudly to blot out his name.

It is said that Haman came from the line of Amalek- the tribe who is a long standing perpetrator against Jews. The numerical sum of Hebrew letters of this word adds up to the sum of the letters in the Hebrew word “safek”- doubt.

So while we are booing Haman, and Amalek, on a deeper level we are also booing our doubts. In “The Twelve Dimensions of Israel”, Nechama Nadborny tells us, “Today, Amalek is the psychic force which causes us to question our direction, doubt our purpose, to hesitate, to slip and fall. The more we are able to detail and identify our personal Amalek, the faster we can sharpen our flight instinct and free ourselves of those convoluted thoughts which prevent us from joyously running in tune with Divine Will” (p. 205).

In the Calendar Garden gathering, we stayed warm in the greenhouse and took turns sharing out loud, or silently thinking, our doubts, while the others shouted and booed. The point of the exercise is to experience the physicality of our doubts. We often think of them as thoughts, and forget to feel them in our bodies. Many of us felt a shift in our body once we heard all of the booing and were able to laugh a little.

And, as the activity progressed, I began to see that some of these doubts are really worthwhile thoughts to have. In a way, it felt kind of strange to be booing. Most people had questions such as, “Should I be living in this place?” “Should I be doing what I’m doing?” “Am I loved?” “Am I good enough?” and so on…. We recognized that many of us had similar doubts. And that was comforting.

I want to be clear that the point of this exercise is to help us lighten up a little. In no way does it invalidate our questions and doubts.

I realized that the deeper message behind the “boo” is a sincere, “We love you. And we want you to be free from the stuckness of suffering from doubt so that you can be even more amazing than you already are.”

If you choose to, you could try this activity with your family, friends or community. As you are the one expressing your doubts (out loud or silently) focus on your body. What do you feel when you are caught in the grips of unknowing and indecision?

As the others shout and boo and make noise, notice how this resonates in your body. Are there places that feel looser, or tighter? How does it feel when you are able to let go of these questions? How does it feel in your body when you are resistant to letting go? Can you begin to develop an inner “boo” to change your attitude and your physicality when your thoughts no longer serve?

Our task this month is to ask for and receive guidance. The true tension lies in the moments of doubt and indicision. Perhaps we stay there for so long because we think there is a right and wrong decision, when in reality, every decision just leads to more decisions, and we need to keep on moving.

Rachel hosts a monthly Rosh Chodesh group in the garden at the Pearlstone Center in Baltimore MD: all are welcome. Please email her at thatsthepoint@gmail.com to join the mailing list, or if you’d like to receive Acupuncture!