In praise of dinner parties
Last night I threw a dinner party. Not a Shabbat meal, which I’ve grown happily accustom to attending or occasionally hosting on Friday nights. I picked a random Monday, invited some friends over, asked the friends to bring spicy red wine and caramel ice cream, baked and prepped most of Sunday afternoon, and came home from work to finish cooking, set out plates, and answer the door as my guests arrived.
There is a Hasidic folktale that says rebbes should be burried in a coffin made from the wood of their dining table. The connection is that one’s hospitality at the table will carry them into the World to Come. I think there is a lot of wisdom in this idea - hosting, afterall, is both a vulnerable and enjoyable experience, and I think we reveal much more about our true selves through inviting people into our homes, than we do in most other social contexts.
As a host, I tend to channel my mother’s desire for things to be “just so,” - the food has to be simple but divine, the lighting should be comforting and cozy, the house should be tidy but not austere, a snack should be set out before guests arrive to tide them over until the meal is ready, and no serving plate or glass should ever be allowed to empty.
Once the guests come (especially if they don’t all know each other), I often take on the role of social conductor, introducing people, leading “opening circle” questions around the table, and attempting to bridge potential gaps between guests.
I feel at my most selfless and most organized at dinner parties. I am responsible for my guests’ happiness, and determined to nourish them. It’s exhausting and exhilarating.
Last night’s menu:
- black bean dip (made in my slow cooker) with tortilla chips
- fajitas with sauteed red, yellow, and green peppers, onion, and Morningstar Chick’n strips (which are amazing)
- fresh guaucamole, Green Mountain Gringo salsa, and pepper jack cheese to garnish
- homemade corn bread with scallions
- homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with ice cream
- red wine, summer ales
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10 Responses to “In praise of dinner parties”
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Phyllis Bieri Says:
May 15th, 2007 at 2:01 pmLeah - You sound like an absolutely inspired host. I wish I could feel selfless at my dinner parties. I am usually much more in touch with the “vulnerable” side of hosting that you so aptly described. My natural shyness doesn’t help. In truth I’d rather be chopping or sauteeing than making introductions.
Care to share the black bean dip? How did it turn out? Would you do anything differently?
As a cornbread afficionado, I would also appreciate that recipe. I don’t bake enough cornbread for the kids. My mother’s cornbread of my youth used canned cream of corn, but I think there are recipes out there that call for frozen corn. I like having kernels in the bread, but your scallion recipe sounds intriguing.
“Exhausting and exhilarating.” That is throwing a dinner party, in a nutshell.
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Leah Koenig Says:
May 15th, 2007 at 2:25 pmThanks Phyllis. The black bean dip is very easy - 1 can of black beans, 1/2 cup salsa, 1 8-oz package of low-fat cream cheese, 1/4 cup low or no-fat sour cream, 1 tsp cumin seeds, 1 tsp chili powder, 1/4 cup sliced roasted red peppers (optional), 1 small diced jalapeno (optional - if your salsa is hot to begin with, the jalapeno isn’t necessary).
Throw everything into a small crock pot (up to 3 1/2 quart-sized), and cook on high for 1 1/2 hours, stirring after 1 hour.
As for the cornbread - you can use any cornbread recipe you like…just finely chop scallions (2 for 8×8 pan, 3 for 9×13 pan) and mix them in with the dry ingredients before adding the wet ingredients. I think the coating of flour helps the scallions stay spaced throughout the bread, instead of clumped all to one side or down at the bottom.
Enjoy :)
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yoshie Says:
May 15th, 2007 at 4:45 pmI can vouch for the deliciousness of the food. Maybe next time I will be invited to the party ; )
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Jennifer Gersch Says:
May 15th, 2007 at 5:00 pmHi, Leah and Phyllis,
It’s the Limmud posse all over again. :)
Leah, I was directed here by a Nigel email, and I admit that it’s my first time reading the Hazon blog.
I actually hosted a Shabbos meal a few weeks ago, the first time in a long while. I very much appreciate hearing other hosts’ experiences and thoughts, and I concur with certain points which you each make.
My meal ended up occuring in a “perfect” week. I say that because I had had a somewhat sad and unusually hectic Friday. I attended the funeral of a dear friend from my shul, a woman who had passed away of cancer, taken in the prime of her life. The type of person of whom everyone has endless stories to share.
I had gone to work in the morning, rushed downtown for the funeral at noon, and then rushed back to work for another few hours till 4:30.
Luckily, aside from a simple salad, most of the food had been taken care of on Thursday evening. However, I found that, as we were crying and recollecting fond memories at the funeral, it was the meal that evening that truly brought a smile to my face and a sense of comfort to me.
I was looking forward to having friends over, especially the multi-generational group which had been invited, many of whom did not know each other beforehand. Further, more importantly, perhaps in some strange way, the meal that evening ended up being a reaffirmation of life, of good times shared with friends, and presented a distraction to my sadness.
The meal really could not have happened at a “better” time. In the end, I needed that meal as much, if not more, than my friends did.
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Jenny Buntman Says:
May 15th, 2007 at 9:51 pmHi Leah,
I LOVE your post! I recently hosted my own dinner party this past weekend and experienced all of these same emotions. The “prepping” for the event stresses me out more than just about anything but I can’t think of a more enjoyable and perfect way to spend an evening. I even had a similar dilemma over whether or not to serve my homemade guacamole in the dish i mixed it in or to “replate” it as my grandmother would insist on. There is something about feeding your friends and watching them enjoy an evening in your own home that cannot be replaced by going out or meeting up any place else. Thanks for sharing!
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isra Says:
May 16th, 2007 at 11:09 amHow powerful the dinner party is, how needed and wonderful for Leah and this great blog to highlight it.
As one new to living in NYC, with all its exhilarating and at times overwhelming social opportunities, I find the dinner party brings much needed intimacy in an atmosphere of trust.
If I know and connect to and trust the host, there’s a good chance, I think to myself, that I’ll connect to their circle of freinds.
And I can also hope to meet some interesting and suprising individuals, at the same time learning more about some other aspect of the host’s interests and personality…
Imagining dinner parties with themes, activities, the imagination goes wild: the 80’s music-dance-dress, board games (balderdash, taboo, apples to apples, etc), political-social topics, pot-luck, share/teach a skill, whoooo!
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Barbara Engelhardt Says:
May 16th, 2007 at 4:55 pmDear Leah,
I read the discription of your dinner party with great “relish”, having been the recipient of your mother’s hospitality on many occasions. I can picture her home and dinner table, and am delighted that you are carrying on her traditions.
Thanks for the bean dip recipe and others. I look forward to more articles by you.
With love,
Aunt Barbara -
Leah Koenig Says:
May 17th, 2007 at 3:27 pmYosh - glad you enjoyed the leftovers :)
Jennifer - I’m really glad to hear how hosting that meal became a source of comfort for you. THe power of food is remarkable.
Jenny - I totally agree. I’m not the kind of person who generally fusses over how things look, but there’s something about those small touches (like replating guacamole) that make all the difference at a dinner party and makes guests feel like they’re really being taken care of.
Aunt Barbara - Hi! So great to hear from you, and I’m delighted that you’re reading Jcarrot! I aspire to the grace and ease with which my mom handles hosting…it’s truly a site to see (or eat!)
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carol koenig Says:
May 17th, 2007 at 9:49 pmMy Dearest Leah,
I am humbled. Thanks to you and Auntie Barbara for appreciating my efforts. And I am so happy that the memories of those many holiday meals and family dinners (when I wasn’t always so calm!)have enriched your life. That means everything to a mom! LY -
Undine Says:
May 20th, 2007 at 11:46 amThank you for sharing the Hasidic folktale, it resonated with me greatly. I’ve always had thoughts about the coffin industry and its potential waste and pollution. Not only is it one great sollution to making coffins, but it is also a very beautiful sentiment. (I, too, hope one day to have the privilege of being a guest of yours.)
