When it comes to romantic relationships, I’m emotionally inept. Well, that’s probably not fair – it’s more like I’m expressively inept. Maybe it comes from the plenitude of lousy dates or the abundance of bad relationships that makes me hold my tongue when it comes to talking about my feelings. And it probably doesn’t help that my current boyfriend is really shy. Although we hold hands in public as if they were magnetic, he’ll put his arms around me if I’m cold, he is much coyer than I about stealing a kiss in a dark movie theatre or other apparent PDA while amongst polite company. In turn I am more likely to describe myself as “a women in love” to friends, strangers and blog readers than I am to drop the “L” word around him. But I’m fairly certain he knows how much I care from the meals we eat together.

Although we maintain separate apartments, I share his kitchen.  I won’t lie, it’s an awkward arrangement at times – one he feels that he was coerced into even if now he reaps the rewards. And we frequently have some amazing meals together. Sometimes I plan out detailed and coordinated menus although to be honest most of our meals are off the cuff. Each week when I bring my CSA share to his apartment, I feel as if I’m on the television show Iron Chef in which I’ve just been told the secret ingredient(s) and Chairman Kaga is theatrically telling me “allez cuisine!” From that starting point comes a week of meals full of farm-fresh organic produce: creative salads on beds of the freshest lettuces, snacks of crispy salty baked kale chips, tangy yet sweet radish compote over hearty peasant bread French toast, fresh pea and asparagus puree over pillowy vegetable ravioli, and wonderful stir-frys and stews as the week comes to an end and options begin to dwindle.

We make plans around meals and schedule our time together accordingly. It takes a lot of effort to ensure every part of the CSA box is going to good use. If we don’t eat the lettuces right away and they begin to wilt or forget a cucumber in the crisper for too long it’s only good for the compost. We have even gotten creative with the green carrot tops, putting them in a vase in the bathroom for a whimsical decoration. I’ve become a master at making “leftovers” my catchall for whatever is left in the CSA box at the end of the week. But after each spontaneous or meticulously planned meal, I realized how this was really how I was telling him how I feel.

It was over a West African peanut stew (pictured above) eaten in candlelight while listening to Caetano Veloso when I really wanted to tell him how I felt about him – that I love my life with him and how he gets all the best parts of me. Even when things are stressful at work or other parts of our lives get in the way, we still come together for these wonderful meals – and that is what I am looking for in a partner. Of course I didn’t say any of those words, I just scooped him another bowl of the stew and sprinkled extra cilantro on the top.