The personal responses to last Friday’s goat schecting were varied and intense. Thanks to Joti Levy for sharing her reflections in this guest post.

Friday morning I woke at my regular 6 am. The difference was that everyone else in the house also woke up, and more people were gathering. It felt like the cozy feeling of going on a road trip with people you love, except the road trip was down the block to the sadeh (field) to slaughter the goats.

Before I would go down the block, I went up the block to milk the goats on Bebe hill; Aitan’s goats. As Abby milked one goat I went into the goats’ home and began to pray with them. Dosinia, Black and White’s mother, was really edgy that morning. Though she is usually picked on by others, this time she was provoking others by head butting them, standing on her rear legs and hoisting herself into the air banging into Carina’s belly. I tried to stop her at one point but she just jutted forward until the chain I held began to choke her. I let her go and let nature play its role, and then I cried through my morning prayers, feeling the mother of a child feeling pain.

We fumbled through the milking, hustling a normally meditative experience and parked the car by the sadeh. I entered the scene, watching the animals be pet while people stood around schmoozing. I just wanted song and prayer, so I walked off into the expanses of the field with a friend and we whispered our kavanot, or intentions, and reentered the scene. After the first goat was killed I started to cry and walked back into the life giving sadeh. Most of the crops were covered but some resilient leaves remained alive. I picked a hearty kale leaf and chewed on it like an elixir of life. At the fire nearby, I found a friend and he gave me a different perspective. It gave me enough strength to reapproach the scene just in time for the slaughter of Black and White. The people gathered around in an almost biblical way, as the shochet in his shirt sleeves kindly rubbed the animals face to check for diseases.

With the love and kindness of so many, Black and White still squirmed and showed distress as he was placed on the bench to be killed. He left this world with some resistance…

Later on that day I went back to the goats on Bebe Hill. When Dosinia came near me she cringed and walked away. I found myself in empathy wondering, “Why consume meat?” when there are so many other choices. At the same time, products like soy have industries that are so corrupt that in places like Brazil they clear cut virgin forests and basically have slave labor working soy plantations. The questions are in place though I have no answers at the moment. One thing I know is though I normally eat meat, I went as far as putting the goat on my fork and dropping it.