I’m somewhat surprised, but I’m really looking forward to Halloween. Let me state up front what I don’t like. The candy is excessive. I still have a large bag hidden on a shelf in the back of the pantry of LAST YEAR’s candy that my kids lost interest in long before all the good stuff was gone. I also don’t love the gore and the death. I’m not a big fan of scary stuff in general and it seems to get gloomier each year. I also don’t love the idea that kids demand candy, it is bad enough when they do it at the supermarket check out there should be no need to encourage them.

This being said, I am excited nonetheless. And despite all my misgivings, without the candy, this holiday would be not have the same draw.

Halloween is an amazing community builder. Halloween is the last time I can count on seeing my neighbors before we all dig in for the hibernation that happens here in wintery tundra of Chicagoland. Walking up and down the street, we will have the opportunity to visit with the neighborhood kids. We will get to comment on how much people have grown. We will take the opportunity to engage in conversation with people who we normally just nod to. Granted the content may not go deeper than a discussion of how cute my little one looks with green hair or how calmly their dog is taking the chaos, but I know from experience that even these little exchanges can help build connections.

Last year, we were new in the neighborhood. I did not recognize the kids behind the masks and they did not know me. Having closed down the house to walk with my kids, I approached these strangers with offers of candy and the chance to introduce myself as the lady who lives in the house with the white fence. Normally the kids would have run off but with food in hand and the conventions of the holiday in place we were able to get acquainted. The next time, I saw Katie with little Megan I not only had a name to go with a face but a natural set of conversation starters, have you eaten all your candy? what was your favorite kind? and so on.

The exchange of food is central to all this. The Jewish custom of Hachnasat Orchim, welcoming of guests, traces its roots back to Abraham and Sarah who when spying three strangers approaching their tents prepared a meal to share with them. Sharing food is a means of creating connection. In 18th and 19th century Germany, Jews would celebrate happy occasions by inviting relatives and neighbors to join in cooking and to bring along plates, chairs, tables and cutlery to jointly make a the festive meal happen. The food was not the reason for being together but it was a sign of trust and connection. Anthropologist Mary Douglas has pointed out that in our modern world who we invite into our homes and what we serves them speak volumes about how close we feel and how intimate the relationship. If you want a quick measure of how close you feel to someone, consider how comfortable you might be if they chose to gaze in your refrigerator.

On Halloween food is again a connector but a non-hierarchical one at that. The rules of the holiday as I have experience do not distinguish between giving of candy to the close friends, acquaintancescandy is excessive beyond all reasonable standards of consumption and nutrition, but nonetheless, they provide the means through which the boundaries are broken down and we are able to approach each other’s place of dwelling and look each other in the eye. Rabbi Edward M. Feinstein writes that he takes his children out each year as a counterbalance for the sense of fear and trepidation with which they normally approach those who share their streets. Every year, for at least one day, the desire to fulfill our children’s fantasies and to make other people’s children happy trumps our tendency towards caution and fear.

I grew up in a home where trick or treating was off limits. My mother felt that this holiday carried too many anti-Semitic connotations. In graduate school studying Jewish history, I searched for evidence that pogroms did indeed take place on this date but found little substance to this story. Others object to Halloween on grounds that it is pagan. And while its ancient origins may indeed be pagan, there is little left of that tradition in the American celebration of this harvest festival today. I know many will disagree with me, my mother among them, for historic, religious, and environmental reasons. Of course no one should be forced to participate, but we should be careful before we condemn the celebration outright.

A few days ago, we came home to find a bag with a ghost on our front steps. Inside was a pile of candy and a letter that explained that we had been ghosted. We were meant to eat the candy, post a sign saying we had been ghosted, and proceed to fill two more bags with candy to deliver two more similar bags to others who had yet to be ghosted. My kids were thrilled with the candy. I too was happy, not with the candy (which is still not eaten and may never be) but to have been included in this benign communal prank. It was a sign that we were part of our neighborhood.

Photo Credit: This Mama Cooks! On a Diet